I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
