Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
