It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
