you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
