Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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