Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
