No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
