drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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