Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
false alarm. still invincible.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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