Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
