You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
