Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
