I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
