you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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