Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
