Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
