Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
