she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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