Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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