Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
