I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
