OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
