and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
