can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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