I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
