she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i now understand why vodka
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
