I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
