PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
