Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
