you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
