You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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