Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
