piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
