He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
