Your dad touched me again.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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