I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
