I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
