I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
