I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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