ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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