these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
