Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
