Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
