Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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