he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
