I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
