A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
