I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
