You can't special order awesome
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
