I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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